One year
This is a report of one year of my life.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
I walk through the house with a very unreal feeling. I had regular panic attacks over the past few months. But that was nothing compared to what I feel now. What is happening to me? I cry all day and feel so unfortunate. So terribly tired. There is that darn headache, the pain in my neck, and my heart keeps pounding. I am suffocating, have fear of everything and a feeling in my head like I’m not really there. As if I am walking in a dream. Have no control over my body. I am so afraid and confused! And then there is tomorrow. We scheduled a day out. HOW WILL I DO THAT??? I do not even dare to walk the dogs. How can this be? What’s wrong with me?? And why am I so dizzy all the time? I do not dare to take a single step…
Sunday, September 2, 2007
My dear husband is already gone with the children. I told him that I will follow soon… BUT I DO NOT DARE!! I, who always loved the social events. I longed to have these days. What’s wrong with me? I try for an hour to convince myself to go on that bike… Walk crying through my house. I do not dare, what’s wrong with me? Am I going crazy?? Is something seriously wrong with me? WHAT??!!! I step on my bike and drive away ….. I do not now how I finally arrived. But okay, I’m here! But what am I doing here? All those people, that noise, the crowds, I do not feel well! I’ll bet that I am going to faint! Want to go home, but how? I’m going… and once at home I collapse completely… Monday I’ll call the GP again…
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I walk through my house whistling. The sun is shining. There was a free market where we just went. I slept wonderfully well last night. Have a little bit of headache. I had no physio in recent weeks and that shows. My neck remains a somewhat weaker place. I am thinking back to last year… I felt so bad then…… And look at me now, a year later!! A year of hard work, unwinding, learning about my ailment, discovering the cause, the HyperVen therapy, getting to know my friends, the rich feeling. I am happier than ever… Despite the heavy year. Despite the misery. I have come out the richer!
It no longer dominates my life
I got to know myself well. And I learn to stand up for myself. Made new friends, lost some old ones. Not all that important, I got a lot in return. I am not healed for the full 100%. But I can live with it again. It no longer dominates my life.
With this story, I hope to encourage everyone who is still struggling with chronic hyperventilation. If it all seems so hopeless, then believe me. It is not! Keep doing your HyperVen exercises. Make sure you discover the cause of your symptoms. And do not be ashamed to seek help. Know that you are not alone in this world.
Next year at this time, you will look back and think – just like I did: remember last year…?
